Ninja Monkie Bacchanal

Yes You! You, the president of the Catholic League. Bite Me. Did it every freaking occur to you that not everyone hates Christianity? You are not being persecuted. We are not out to get you. Actually, we don’t care what the fuck you believe in so long as you leave us the fuck alone! No one made you moral judge and jury here Mr. Donohue.

Sexual libertines, from the Marquis de Sade to radical gay activists, have sought to pervert society by acting out on their own perversions. What motivates them most of all is a pathological hatred of Christianity. They know, deep down, that what they are doing is wrong, and they shudder at the dreaded words, “Thou Shalt Not.” But they continue with their death-style anyway.

How dare the entertainment industry tell stories about Christianity looking bad? Because Christians don’t do bad things, do they? Never, right?

There was a time when Hollywood made reverential movies about Christianity. But those days are long gone. Now they just insult. And when someone finally makes a film that makes Christians proud, he is run out of town. Were it not for Mel Gibson, there would have been no “Passion of the Christ.” But for every Harvey Weinstein who likes to bash Catholics, there is always someone else waiting in the wings to do the same.

This is your argument? You will “win” because you are fucking more than the rest of us? Really? Wow. Ok.

The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they’re too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.

While not in the above article, here is a great quote you gave Bill:

“Bible-shaped handbags are nothing more than a cheap way for Christian zealots to shove their religion down the throat of agnostics and atheists. Which is why the Catholic League loves them. Our advice to ACLU attorneys — don’t leave home without one.”

Yeah...fuck you Bill.

A defintion? Me enjoying this:

Social conservatives, the once-powerful force that focused the Republican agenda on moral virtue and family values, have suffered a diminished brand on the national political landscape as a steady stream of their icons have fallen prey to the vices they once preached against.

Extramarital affairs, gambling, alcohol abuse, prostitution and sexual pursuit of minors have taken a toll on the GOP

And you thought the British were stodgy:

Porn movies. Horse manure. A chocolate Santa Claus. Expense claims by British lawmakers to pay for an array of items were exposed by a newspaper Friday, stoking public anger over lawmaker excess amid the global recession.

Britain’s Daily Telegraph published details of claims related to 13 ministers and offered examples of hundreds of other bills submitted by lawmakers to parliamentary authorities.

From Carnal Nation:

There are some basic rules of survival. Tidbits of common sense that might not ensure happiness, but which you would be well-advised to observe, like: don’t blow-dry your hair in the bathtub; avoid playing with loaded guns; never get involved in a land war in Asia. That sort of thing. To the list, we can add: don’t give your laptop to the cops and invite them to look through your files if you haven’t completely deleted your bestiality videos first.

We’re not bringing up this little piece of wisdom randomly. According to The Smoking Gun, an Indiana woman named Michelle Owen for some reason suspected that her ex had searched for child porn on her laptop. While she was being held on a public intoxication charge, she asked the cops to look on her computer for any traces of the ex-boyfriend’s alleged activities. The police didn’t find any, but they did find two videos of Owen having sex with a beagle named Toby. Owen claimed that she barely remembers making the videos because she was drunk at the time. She’s being charged with two counts of felony bestiality.

From Gizmodo.com:

There are some serious issues at work here: Best Buy sold a machine as new when it obviously wasn’t, and that’s no good. But the proof is so gloriously graphic, I’m tempted to overlook it.

From the files of the moral hypocrisy crowd comes a study that there is little-to-no difference in the porn-buying habits of those in the “red” states and those in the “blue” states. Shocking, I know. Some of the highlights include:

• Eight of the top 10 pornography consuming states gave their electoral votes to John McCain in last year’s presidential election – Florida and Hawaii were the exceptions. While six out of the lowest 10 favoured Barack Obama.

• Church-goers bought less online porn on Sundays – a 1% increase in a postal code’s religious attendance was associated with a 0.1% drop in subscriptions that day. However, expenditures on other days of the week brought them in line with the rest of the country

• States where a majority of residents agreed with the statement “I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage,” bought 3.6 more subscriptions per thousand people than states where a majority disagreed. A similar difference emerged for the statement “AIDS might be God’s punishment for immoral sexual behaviour."

The bacon bikini. Two of my most favorite things…

I almost peed myself reading this. The quote below is from #4:

Now there’s something a woman never forgets. You’re getting busy with your husband’s brother, he splooges on the ground, and promptly gets slain by the LORD. Talk about awkward.

LMAO!

Just when you thought it was safe to focus on the issues in this historic election season, a chain of sex toy shops has joined retailers, restaurateurs and other businesses across the nation in the time-honored tradition of rewarding Americans who go to the polls.

Babeland, with stores in New York, Los Angeles and Seattle, is offering a pair of self-gratifying incentives for voters who present their registration cards, ballot stubs or “word of honor” that they voted next Tuesday.

Holy Schnikes!

Government officials handling billions of dollars in oil royalties improperly engaged in sex with employees of energy companies they were dealing with and received numerous gifts from them, federal investigators said Wednesday.

The alleged transgressions involve 13 former and current Interior Department employees in Denver and Washington. Their alleged improprieties include rigging contracts, working part-time as private oil consultants, and having sexual relationships with—and accepting golf and ski trips and dinners from—oil company employees, according to three reports released Wednesday by the Interior Department’s inspector general.

I am apparently in the wrong line of work.