Ninja Monkie Bacchanal

I wish I was making this up…

President Bush said his 2004 re-election victory over Sen. John Kerry was inadvertently aided by Osama bin Laden

If this is true, it is very kewl!

I say let ‘em go! How much can tickets to South Cacalacky cost anyway?

A group calling itself Christian Exodus is actively seeking to repopulate the state of South Carolina with evangelicals in an effort to “reestablish constitutionally limited government founded upon Christian principles.” According to their website, they propose to move thousands of Christians to South Carolina, who will then presumably elect like minded state and local officials who will then stand up to the federal government by refusing to enforce what they call illegal federal acts.

Some of their concerns include:
• Unborn babies are subject to slaughter by abortionists and their own mothers under any pretext whatsoever. tarvation and involuntary euthanasia.
• Citizens are subjected to the perils of imperialist entanglements abroad, and left unprotected from alien invaders at home.
• Christians are denied their rights to free speech, freedom of the press, the display of religious monuments, and other expressions of faith in the public sphere.
• Citizens are denied their rights to keep and bear arms sufficient for the restraint of tyranny.
• Men, women, and children are involuntarily exposed to the corrupting influences of homosexuality, pornography, and other perversities protected and financed by the national government.

LOL!  Secretary of Defense is a master of his own style of martial arts.  The above is entitled “Hidden Monkey Hands.” Check the rest of his regimen here.

From the Financial Fantasy Desk (Yes, we actually have one of these here at NMB):

I’m not an economist, but a fantasy scenario crossed my mind and I’ve been trying to puzzle it through: What would be the long-term effect on our economy if all U.S. credit card debt was paid off? ... Assuming we stayed debt-free, how would this affect the lenders, banks, and other businesses? … It would never happen of course, but it got me wondering.

LOL!

Area resident Aaron Henschler, 25, is fearing for his very sanity. Known as an unorganized and often unreliable person, Henschler reports that in recent months, voices in his head have been making “pretty good points” about time management.

“I must be seriously sick,” the house-bound, unemployed Henschler said. “The voices are always present, urging me to ‘set small, achievable goals’ and ‘make a to-do list to manage your daily tasks.’ This can’t be happening to me."

Freaking unbelieveable!

The Homeland Security Department objected at first to a United Arab Emirates company’s taking over significant operations at six U.S. ports. It was the lone protest among members of the government committee that eventually approved the deal without dissent.

He was a very funny man.  He will be missed.

Don Knotts, the skinny, lovable nerd who kept generations of television audiences laughing as bumbling Deputy Barney Fife on “The Andy Griffith Show,” has died. He was 81.
Knotts died Friday night of pulmonary and respiratory complications at a Los Angeles hospital, said Paul Ward, a spokesman for the cable network TV Land, which airs “The Andy Griffith Show,” and another Knotts hit, “Three’s Company.”

Update:

The Legislature on Friday approved a ban on nearly all abortions in South Dakota, setting up a direct legal assault on Roe v. Wade. Republican Gov. Mike Rounds said he was inclined to sign the bill, which would make it a crime for doctors to perform an abortion unless it was necessary to save the woman’s life. The measure would make no exception in cases of rape or incest.

This is retarded.  They specifically passed this bill in order generate a controversy.  They know full well this law will get struck down under current Supreme Court rulings.  This is the best use of the South Dakota Senate’s time?!?!? Seriously....this is it?

Legislation meant to prompt a national legal battle targeting Roe v. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion, was approved Wednesday by the South Dakota Senate, moving the bill a step closer to final passage.

My friend and I were having a discussion.  He has some Jewish friends coming over for dinner tomorrow.  We got into a discussion about what is allowed to eat under Kosher Dietary Laws.  This progressed into coffee.  He said that all ground coffee has some insect remnants in it.  Insects are specifically forbidden under Kashrut.  With this line of reasoning, coffee should be forbidden as well, right?  Well, the internet is a wonderful thing.  For your reading pleasure, here are the rules for enjoying your coffee and being an observant kosher person (?):

• All unflavored, roasted coffees (both regular and decaf.), may be purchased in a disposable cup. Sugar may be added. Milk (not creamer) can be added, and is cholov stam.
• Creamers and flavors may be added separately after the consumer verifies that the label of the original container bears reliable certification.
• Only packaged food items bearing reliable certification may be purchased.
• At Starbucks, bottled beverages bearing a KD are certified kosher, dairy, chalav stam, by R’ Zevulun Charlop.
• Frapuccino, whipped toppings, and other beverages prepared in coffee shops are not recommended since they are made in carafes/pump pots that are not exclusively used for kosher beverages.

BTW, this site is strictly kosher.

I feel safer now.

President Bush was unaware of the pending sale of shipping operations at six major U.S. seaports to a state-owned business in the United Arab Emirates until the deal already had been approved by his administration, the White House said Wednesday.

ROTFLMAO!!!